if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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