my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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