I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
