Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
