When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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