Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
