She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
