Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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