my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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