Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
