Sry I called you an 8
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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