Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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