I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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