You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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