A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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