how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
