I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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