My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
