Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
