happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
