I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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