It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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