I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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