i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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