Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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