Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
