The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
People in love make me want to vomit
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
