Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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