I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
