You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You need a sexual gate keeper
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
