my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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