I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
