i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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