Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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