haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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