just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
