And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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