i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
