i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
