this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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