he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
