Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
