Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
