Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
