Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
