Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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