I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
