How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
