I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
