Soap is not a condiment
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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