We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
