i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
