It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
