Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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