New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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