I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
