Michael Bay diarrhea
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
