no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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