Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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