Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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