Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
