i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
