This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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