I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
